When I was taking the leadership class for grad school, they taught what they call the "I message" for helping resolve conflict and open communication about a topic. Its format is simple:
I feel ______ when you _______. I would prefer that you do _______ instead. It is simple, direct, and does its best not to provoke defensiveness. I saw a similar message featured on TV a few days ago. The format was very similar, but crucially flawed. It read: It bugs me when you _______. I would prefer that you do ______ instead. This replaces the "I feel _____" with an opening that puts the other person on the defensive, which makes it very hard for them to listen to what you have got to say. It also limits the flexibility of the statement, as it only conveys annoyance. The takeaway: small differences in word choices, body language, or similar issues can completely throw off what you're trying to accomplish. Be careful with your words.
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